roots

cold snap today.
hard for me to get intimate with people. sense of shame in self-disclosure. maybe because of the initial satisfaction followed by the feeling of emptiness. like the less you tell, the heavier your burden, the more solid your feet on the ground. ...?
satisfaction with one's own secrets.
fear of disappointment, vulnerability, dizziness. fear of being pulled up by the roots.

my friend eileen lost her brother michael yesterday. he suffered from an infection caused by his compromised immunity, due to chemotherapy.
...
eileen and i first met in volcanoes and earthquakes class during college. she was studying sound design. we started hanging out in the spring of our junior year and our friendship blossomed. she has had a very successful career in sound design. i made her tell me all about her experience designing for the opening of an arthur miller play. this past summer we went to the kerrville folk festival together and camped out with eileen's friends.

memories you didn't know you'd cherish

for a while, around 1995-96, i worked at ken's bayside, a pizza and sub shop on fenwick island in delaware. my friend brent got me the job. we would make pizzas and cheesesteaks. on the night shifts we'd close up the shop and go next door for a fifth of jose cuervo before heading back to the schoolhouse, where we lived. then we'd sit in the schoolhouse and smoke and drink tequila and watch tv. usually we'd watch the late late show with tom snyder, and we'd laugh at his inane questions and random observations.
it's weird how you never know what you're gonna cherish as a memory. but i have a special place in my memory for our tequila and cigarettes.
the next morning i would often take barry to work early in the morning at difebo's, and i'd get a coffee and muffin and come back to the schoolhouse to enjoy my little breakfast in my flea-infested cubbyhole with my cat, peeps. one summer i was reading war and peace, which was a wonderful way to start the day, before it got too hot, and while the house was still quiet... i remember loving that routine.
ahh, the days of squalor. i had no idea i'd look back so fondly. and yet at the time i think i did realize that there was a certain quiet blessing on those moments...

results

i passed my PPR exam with a "total scaled score" of 255. i have no idea what that means, but to have passed is a little relief. now i must get down to work on these irritating book studies!
i was asked to be in a play in the summer. i'm excited about it. (the link is representative of the play, not the location.) :-)
happy spring break.

squids 'n' squirrels

various tidbits:
took 27 students to the state speech tournament in pharr-san juan-alamo. we did well, getting many students to semi-finals in various events, several to finals, and had a state champ in two categories (humorous interpretation and original oratory). we took a big charter bus, which was fun. on the way back we watched STAR WARS and THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. i sort of slept through most of it, as we were driving home in the wee hours of the morn. but it was cool to wake up occasionally to the comfortingly familiar snippets of dialogue and to the loveable gargle of chewy's voice.
left my car with my parents over the weekend and they gave me an early birthday present: new tires, an oil change, and an inspection sticker. seeing as i got a $250 speeding ticket on tuesday, i was extremely grateful to have some assistance in the automotive area. when i went out to my parents' house to pick up my car this afternoon, my mom told me that my sister is worried about her. apparently mom gave my nieces each a pez dispenser, telling them she'd wished she'd given them their presents before easter. this was an odd comment, said my sis, since easter hasn't happened yet. mom laughed to me that it was just a slip in holidays, that the pezes were valentines presents, and besides, they were shaped like bunnies, so the slip-up wasn't all that alzheimeresque. later, dad commented to me privately that mom has been forgetting things lately, like the name of the school where my brother teaches. dad thought maybe the anaesthesia from mom's recent operations has had a negative effect on her memory. i've never heard of anaesthesia causing memory lapses. has anyone else ever heard of this happening? to me, mom has always been a little scatterbrained in terms of her memory of proper names and inconsequential details; it seems like nothing new. but dad seemed to think that she's been worse lately...
how 'bout those oscars? my favorite part was lily tomlin and meryl streep introducing robert altman, and altman's speech. my least favorite part was CRASH winning best picture.
on wednesday i have jury duty. i've never had to serve before. we'll see if i get any good, postable stories from the experience.
next week is spring break!
to people who pray, in whatever form that prayer takes: send out some healing vibes to floridian friend ET and her brother mike, who is struggling with cancer. all possible positive energy to you, my friends!!!