Tuesday, August 22, 2006

cat and lizard

freda tracked down a tiny pink salamander this morning and was terrorizing it next to the trash can. as i cleaned her catbox i debated as to what i should do. why is it that when she kills roaches i applaud her and when she kills salamanders i squirm and feel like murder is being committed?
i scooped up the wounded, tailless little lizard in a spoon and gently deposited him outside on the concrete. seeing as the tail was disposable, i disposed of it.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

es eh

school started up again this past week. summers used to be longer; we didn't start school till september-- remember? try to remember the kind of sep--... no, i won't go there.
first week of school was not too sweaty. i only had to put on my drill sergeant helmet (do drill sergeants have helmets?) once or twice. though i'm still gradually morphing from summer mode into school mode, i feel like the transition is coming along just fine. i spent a good amount of time this summer in my office getting rid of some filing cabinets that had been useful for the previous teacher and absolutely bogus for me. basically they served as receptacles for detritus. so i got them out of there. rearranged things. put in a rug that joey helped me pick out. organized papers into files. as far as the first week of school, i spent most of my time getting to know the students, asking them questions, learning their names. the advanced students did opening week monologues. i'll see the beginning students do short monologues starting on tuesday. so far, so good.
the two plays i directed have had two weekends of performance now; the last two shows are tomorrow. i am glad that they will be over tomorrow, and at the same time i will be sad to see them be over. during the performances i sit upstairs in the booth of the church theatre running sound and watching the action. i love theatre, i love seeing the actors work, i love seeing the audience, i love making the lights and music change. if i had my way, that's all i'd do-- direct plays and watch them every night. sam, paige, brendan, jordan and anthony have done an excellent job. though some of our audiences have been paltry, people have been very positive and responsive. tonight's production had a large audience. though the air conditioning wasn't working, it didn't seem to bother people too much. we got a good article in the newspaper, which can be viewed here. san antonio, SA, they say, is ready for an arts renaissance. only time will tell.
this morning i brushed my cat and attempted to undo a fur tangle embedded in her chest. i got rid of almost all of it.
i took a few old shirts to goodwill, and bought some candy at the dollar store.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

el eh

i went to los angeles for a weekend to visit my friend yulia. los angeles has always had a sort of loaded, semi-sinister connotation for me. whenever i've been there previously, i've felt like it was all about ego and money. it's the place where people go and mostly have their dreams broken. it's where you sell out, obsess about your body fat, and end up in porn. those were my broad and shallow preconceptions.
my weekend however was really interesting. i told yulia that even though i'd been to los angeles before, i felt like this was the first time i was really seeing it. she said that was because i was with her, someone i knew and trusted, so i was able to see it without feeling like i was in hostile territory.
my impression was that los angeles is like ten cities rolled into one. the diversity makes you unable to pigeonhole the city as any one thing. i didn't experience the entire city, but driving on sunset from west hollywood to the ocean gave me a good idea of several distinct neighborhoods and how different they are from one another.
activities: we ate russian food that yulia made, went to the park of five religions, went to a jazz club, sat on the beach, visited the getty center.
being with yulia, i was obliged to speak russian, which reactivated a part of my brain that hasn't been used in a long time. as a result of this renewed brain activity, my first night there was almost a sleepless one. i couldn't stop my brain, and the thoughts were mostly about breaking out-- breaking out of patterns, restrictions, comfort zones, suppositions. my life in san antonio seemed semi-dead and in need of examination. i needed to rid myself of all these possessions. i needed to make a change.
what's happened now that i'm back? i'm not sure yet. i need to continue preparing for the upcoming school year, and i need to keep reevaluating and writing about what i really want. it's scary how hard it is, the older i get, to break out of my comfort. though it was a nice feeling to know that coming back to san antonio felt like coming home, at the same time i feel a push to challenge my complacency here.