roots

cold snap today.
hard for me to get intimate with people. sense of shame in self-disclosure. maybe because of the initial satisfaction followed by the feeling of emptiness. like the less you tell, the heavier your burden, the more solid your feet on the ground. ...?
satisfaction with one's own secrets.
fear of disappointment, vulnerability, dizziness. fear of being pulled up by the roots.

my friend eileen lost her brother michael yesterday. he suffered from an infection caused by his compromised immunity, due to chemotherapy.
...
eileen and i first met in volcanoes and earthquakes class during college. she was studying sound design. we started hanging out in the spring of our junior year and our friendship blossomed. she has had a very successful career in sound design. i made her tell me all about her experience designing for the opening of an arthur miller play. this past summer we went to the kerrville folk festival together and camped out with eileen's friends.