last night joey and i drove to austin to the alamo drafthouse to see SHOWGIRLS with commentary by david schmader. it was very fun. the last time i heard the SHOWGIRLS commentary by dave was in cathy's living room in truckee. last night's commentary was different-- not quite as thorough, due to time constraints, considering a movie theatre full of people. but it was fun.
dave's SHOWGIRLS commentary is available on a special deluxe edition of the movie, which comes with shot glasses and pasties. i think it's $19.99. i've never had the gumption to actually purchase it... but i may try to find it on half.com.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
man's best friend?
i have so many fears and so much hope.
i went to dallas with our students who qualified for the national tournament. i had to leave the tournament early to come back for more of my certification training. these classes, which i started last summer, will be over this week. then i will only have to complete two book studies and fill out a little more paperwork and i'll be a certified teacher.
i was disappointed in the class we took today. the content was worthwhile-- working with disabled students-- but the teacher was not prepared. it seemed like she was just thrown into the classroom and had to fend on the spur of the moment. i felt angry because it seemed like a waste of time. i wanted to learn, but nothing was being taught.
through my colleague, i have learned that all our kids have been eliminated from the competition except one young woman. i have high hopes for her. i was disappointed that some of the others didn't do as well as we expected.
i have so many fears and so much hope. sometimes when i tell my friends about my fears, they discount what i'm saying as unnecessary self-deprecation, or they assuage me. but i realize today that it's important to somehow express these fears, put them in real time, so that they're not abusively banging around in my head and heart. so i wrote a lot of them down. that felt healthy. i go through day-to-day thinking i'm pretty fearless, but when i really think about it, and when i really feel about it, there are a lot of fears to work through in here.
i went to dallas with our students who qualified for the national tournament. i had to leave the tournament early to come back for more of my certification training. these classes, which i started last summer, will be over this week. then i will only have to complete two book studies and fill out a little more paperwork and i'll be a certified teacher.
i was disappointed in the class we took today. the content was worthwhile-- working with disabled students-- but the teacher was not prepared. it seemed like she was just thrown into the classroom and had to fend on the spur of the moment. i felt angry because it seemed like a waste of time. i wanted to learn, but nothing was being taught.
through my colleague, i have learned that all our kids have been eliminated from the competition except one young woman. i have high hopes for her. i was disappointed that some of the others didn't do as well as we expected.
i have so many fears and so much hope. sometimes when i tell my friends about my fears, they discount what i'm saying as unnecessary self-deprecation, or they assuage me. but i realize today that it's important to somehow express these fears, put them in real time, so that they're not abusively banging around in my head and heart. so i wrote a lot of them down. that felt healthy. i go through day-to-day thinking i'm pretty fearless, but when i really think about it, and when i really feel about it, there are a lot of fears to work through in here.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
dust and sweat
just got back from kerrville. saw and heard some good musicians. somehow not as satisfying as last year. either the musicians there didn't interest me as much or i just wasn't as into it this year.
i had forgotten about the emotional toll taken, i guess as a result of my sponge-like nature. i sit back and absorb everyone in the camp and rarely am an active participant. this particular camp i'm privileged to camp with is full of stories and emotions on all levels, and i think maybe i underestimate the level of energy it takes to come into it from the outside as i have. my friend ET is a little more integrated because of her strong connection to the center of the camp; i'm more of an outsider. the people are very accepting, but sometimes i have flashbacks of junior high camp, sitting alone in the corner wishing the cute boy would ask me to sit next to him during song time. it's probably all the dust and sweat bringing up this visceral sense memory.
anyway, i'm glad to be back home, and tomorrow i'll start the final leg of my teaching certification training! yea!
i had forgotten about the emotional toll taken, i guess as a result of my sponge-like nature. i sit back and absorb everyone in the camp and rarely am an active participant. this particular camp i'm privileged to camp with is full of stories and emotions on all levels, and i think maybe i underestimate the level of energy it takes to come into it from the outside as i have. my friend ET is a little more integrated because of her strong connection to the center of the camp; i'm more of an outsider. the people are very accepting, but sometimes i have flashbacks of junior high camp, sitting alone in the corner wishing the cute boy would ask me to sit next to him during song time. it's probably all the dust and sweat bringing up this visceral sense memory.
anyway, i'm glad to be back home, and tomorrow i'll start the final leg of my teaching certification training! yea!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
management 101
first i should say it's kind of silly what i did on that last entry-- said "sprint, don't run," when the material has been out there for almost twenty years... but if you haven't been exposed to the dynamics of tomlin and wagner, you really should check it out.
i'm embroiled in a theatricality of my own. a couple months ago, one of my ex-students e-mailed me asking me to direct two plays this summer in san antonio. i considered it and wrote back to him saying i would love to direct, but wanted nothing to do with anything else-- venue searches, management, finances, etc.. he said fine, let's do it.
today i found myself in my second meeting with the artistic director of the church bistro and theatre on south alamo street downtown. what did i find myself doing? oh, negotiating venues. managing. discussing finances.
it seems like this is one of my lessons to learn in life-- how to expand my idea of myself. last summer it was "but i can't be a teacher!" and there were various viable yet lame reasons to back up this assertion. not till i somehow embraced the idea of being a teacher as appropriate and acceptable did i actually enjoy and succeed in that capacity. similarly, not till i embrace the idea of the business side of theatre (which i never did while in our theatre company, KITUS) will i ever succeed in that capacity.
negotiations are going well. it's all quite positive, pleasant, and even empowering. i'm not so bad at this!
i'm embroiled in a theatricality of my own. a couple months ago, one of my ex-students e-mailed me asking me to direct two plays this summer in san antonio. i considered it and wrote back to him saying i would love to direct, but wanted nothing to do with anything else-- venue searches, management, finances, etc.. he said fine, let's do it.
today i found myself in my second meeting with the artistic director of the church bistro and theatre on south alamo street downtown. what did i find myself doing? oh, negotiating venues. managing. discussing finances.
it seems like this is one of my lessons to learn in life-- how to expand my idea of myself. last summer it was "but i can't be a teacher!" and there were various viable yet lame reasons to back up this assertion. not till i somehow embraced the idea of being a teacher as appropriate and acceptable did i actually enjoy and succeed in that capacity. similarly, not till i embrace the idea of the business side of theatre (which i never did while in our theatre company, KITUS) will i ever succeed in that capacity.
negotiations are going well. it's all quite positive, pleasant, and even empowering. i'm not so bad at this!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
recommendation-- no, requirement!
EXTRA! EXTRA!
sprint, don't run, to your nearest dvd vendor and purchase jane wagner's and lily tomlin's work of genius, the search for signs of intelligent life in the universe. my only response at the end was to stand up and jump up and down with my arms in the air, hair flopping wildly. i laughed, cried and sweated through this two-hour extravaganza of love, pain, incisive wit and transcendental street philosophy. not to mention the mind-blowing vigor and technique of a consummate actress. DON'T MISS THIS.
sprint, don't run, to your nearest dvd vendor and purchase jane wagner's and lily tomlin's work of genius, the search for signs of intelligent life in the universe. my only response at the end was to stand up and jump up and down with my arms in the air, hair flopping wildly. i laughed, cried and sweated through this two-hour extravaganza of love, pain, incisive wit and transcendental street philosophy. not to mention the mind-blowing vigor and technique of a consummate actress. DON'T MISS THIS.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
percolators
even though school was over last thursday, i've been at school friday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday and saturday since then. roger the way-cool custodian asked me if i wanted to get the skanky carpet taken out of my office a while back. i said yes. so on tuesday i came in and with the help of a few special students took all my stuff out of the office and put it into the classroom. since then i've been going through the copious amounts of papers in the filing cabinets, left over from the last drama director's regime. he saved e-ver-y-th-in-g. it's been disconcertingly depressing to go through all that stuff, too-- there are some feelings coming up that i hadn't expected. resentment, jealousy, and the ever-faithful self-doubt. ah, what would a day be without a dose of that? ...sarcasm, people. i'm getting better. i'm much nicer to myself than i used to be.
one of the great students who graduated this year sold me a bike. he won it in a contest. he entered a contest where you make a short film having to do with bikes. he won, thereby winning a bike, which he sold to me. he's such a great kid, for a few hours i considered buying the bike from him, then giving the bike back to him as a graduation present. but alas, i am too in love with the bike. it is an old-school electric blue tradewind del sol. i have been riding it to school the past few days. it is a joy and a thrill to ride. i l-o-v-e it.
today i bought two cocteau twins albums which are both double albums-- singles, extended versions and b-sides, called lullabies to violaine, volumes one and two. so far it is gorgeousness. i also bought a solo piano album by lang lang called memory. it is also beautiful. i also bought a dvd version of lily tomlin and jane wagner's the search for signs of intelligent life in the universe, which i can't wait to watch. and last, i bought a graphic memoir by miriam katin, called we are on our own. i have started a little graphic novel collection, which is pleasing on many levels. so far i have both volumes of marjane satrapi's persepolis, the aforementioned epileptic by david b., craig thompson's blankets, la perdida by jessica abel, and the classic maus collection by art spiegelman, among a few others. my history with graphic novels is not extensive; i'm something of a dilettante. but i still enjoy the hell out of them, and i've been drawing and doodling for as long as i can remember, and have not forgotten my new year resolutions...
1. to create more love and beauty in the world
2. to finish my first graphic novel
one of the great students who graduated this year sold me a bike. he won it in a contest. he entered a contest where you make a short film having to do with bikes. he won, thereby winning a bike, which he sold to me. he's such a great kid, for a few hours i considered buying the bike from him, then giving the bike back to him as a graduation present. but alas, i am too in love with the bike. it is an old-school electric blue tradewind del sol. i have been riding it to school the past few days. it is a joy and a thrill to ride. i l-o-v-e it.
today i bought two cocteau twins albums which are both double albums-- singles, extended versions and b-sides, called lullabies to violaine, volumes one and two. so far it is gorgeousness. i also bought a solo piano album by lang lang called memory. it is also beautiful. i also bought a dvd version of lily tomlin and jane wagner's the search for signs of intelligent life in the universe, which i can't wait to watch. and last, i bought a graphic memoir by miriam katin, called we are on our own. i have started a little graphic novel collection, which is pleasing on many levels. so far i have both volumes of marjane satrapi's persepolis, the aforementioned epileptic by david b., craig thompson's blankets, la perdida by jessica abel, and the classic maus collection by art spiegelman, among a few others. my history with graphic novels is not extensive; i'm something of a dilettante. but i still enjoy the hell out of them, and i've been drawing and doodling for as long as i can remember, and have not forgotten my new year resolutions...
1. to create more love and beauty in the world
2. to finish my first graphic novel
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