man's best friend?

i have so many fears and so much hope.
i went to dallas with our students who qualified for the national tournament. i had to leave the tournament early to come back for more of my certification training. these classes, which i started last summer, will be over this week. then i will only have to complete two book studies and fill out a little more paperwork and i'll be a certified teacher.
i was disappointed in the class we took today. the content was worthwhile-- working with disabled students-- but the teacher was not prepared. it seemed like she was just thrown into the classroom and had to fend on the spur of the moment. i felt angry because it seemed like a waste of time. i wanted to learn, but nothing was being taught.
through my colleague, i have learned that all our kids have been eliminated from the competition except one young woman. i have high hopes for her. i was disappointed that some of the others didn't do as well as we expected.
i have so many fears and so much hope. sometimes when i tell my friends about my fears, they discount what i'm saying as unnecessary self-deprecation, or they assuage me. but i realize today that it's important to somehow express these fears, put them in real time, so that they're not abusively banging around in my head and heart. so i wrote a lot of them down. that felt healthy. i go through day-to-day thinking i'm pretty fearless, but when i really think about it, and when i really feel about it, there are a lot of fears to work through in here.