where is the line?

today i slept in. got up around 10? didn't have to look at the clock so didn't really pay attention to the time. watched a back issue of "project runway" where they're in paris. then i went to see my brother play tennis. he's in a tennis league and was in a tournament. it was fun watching him play, even though he lost. later we met our parents for dinner, then went to half price books. i got a play by horton foote called the last of the thorntons i think. couldn't pass it up.
then we went and saw a movie called half nelson. it's about a high school history teacher who has a drug problem. he becomes close to a student after she finds him high on crack. my brother and i are both high school teachers. he teaches math and i teach theatre. the film struck us each in different ways. as we left my brother said "i wouldn't want to sit through that again. it was too realistic for me." i felt a little indignant at this statement, not really understanding what "too realistic" means, especially when applied to this movie. not long ago i had the realization that my personality is partly based on things that i have to suppress. i wondered what i would be like if there had been less suppressions in myself and my life. a different person in many ways. being a teacher means you have a certain responsibility to be "upstanding" or "virtuous" for your students. there is merit in this thought. but half nelson speaks of a wholeness in people and specifically in one teacher, a wholeness which ironically reveals brokenness.
i thought of a conversation i had with fran last week about brokenness, and how that seemed to be one of the most integral human qualities you could possibly identify. how much of my brokenness am i allowed to show my students? how much of my wholeness (brokenness) is helpful for them, and where is the line when it becomes too much wholeness (brokenness) and it is no longer helpful for them? in the film there's a short scene in the classroom where the teacher is teaching yin/yang, duality within the whole. strangely, the concept of yin/yang came up in my class this past week too, in response to a journal prompt we had called "things that annoy me." why is conflict important?, i asked. someone said, if there were no sadness, there would be no possibility for happiness. as a teacher i have been put in a position to hide myself. i think that i reveal more of myself than most, but i also have fears about misleading the students, or being too much a "friend" instead of a teacher.
i have no answers for any of this, but i was inspired by half nelson and would recommend it for any teacher who wants to strive to bring his or her authentic truth to the classroom. i will continue to understand what this means, and i will strive to be honest and as true as i can, because anything less is a cheat.
this link was at the end of the credits for half nelson: www.dialectics4kids.com