Wednesday, October 07, 2009

rage of murk

my alma mater has just sent me a postcard announcing an "alumni weekend" at the end of the month. why did they just now send me this, on october 7th? 2010 will mark 20 years since i graduated. what about our 20-year reunion? i mean isn't that sort of something special that should be organized and done right? i am not interested in some sort of general "alumni weekend" that i get a POSTCARD for, THREE WEEKS BEFORE IT HAPPENS!
i have always said i would never go to my high school reunions, but would be interested in a college one.
perhaps instead, next spring, i'll go visit ET in W-S and we'll just have our own private reunion. that way i won't have to worry about certain people in my class gloating about how successful they've been.
i feel crappy today. i'm hot, and my car isn't working, and i have no money.
no one in my class would gloat. that's a statement rising out of my current crappy mood, which manifests as bitter insecurity.
i'm walking to have lunch with my old high school drama teacher soon. we've been meeting for lunch every wednesday. we have great talks and there's a lot of love. there's a turn up.
my cat left a roach on the floor of my room for me this morning.
i watched a 50-minute documentary on frank zappa and the making of "apostrophe/overnite sensation." he is inspiring for these reasons:
prolific
unflinching
knew what he wanted to do
did it on his own
reverence for absurdity
incisive and intelligent
demanded excellence
today i feel like flailing on the ground, flailing on the wooden floor so hard that i would break a hole through the floor, then flail through the foundation, then flail through the earth and just keep flailing until i wanted to flail no more. somehow i feel the need to break free or release something. it's a murky sort of rage inside.

1 comment:

ETness said...

I CANNOT wait for you to visit me. We can run around the Elephants and slide on trays down the hill. I think school has a hard time getting an alumni weekend together, much less individual school reunions planned. The timing does suck though. There is little funding in that office and essentially one guy manning the station. Let's plan on something near my graduation. I can't decide if I want to go to graduation, but will be having a party anyway. We can leave the gloaters behind. We know how special we are. Love you big!
XOXO ET