desire to create

i can only assume that at one point i showed promise as a writer, an actor, an artist. there was something like the kernel of a prodigy in a few of the things i produced. what is it that bestows that electric energy on the things we do, and what's bothering me more, what takes it away? maybe nothing takes it away except our increasing cynicism and/or self-hatred. maybe the prodigy is always there and we just learn to filter it, corrupt it, scrutinize it, bury it.
i'm reading david b.'s epileptic, an engrossing autobiographical illustrated novel. i learned about it from nik's spatula forum. one of my new year's resolutions, helped along by beth, was to write my first graphic novel this year. today, while talking about graphic novels with fran and ryan, i felt a stab of insecurity. "you have to be really good to sustain that for a hundred pages," ryan said.
then, as i sat in the office and looked up at the one corner i've left alone on mr. h's old bulletin board, i read a quote by martha graham about art. it had something to do with creating as much as you possibly can, because you're the only you, so you must persevere: "There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost."
alas i always have to be reminded in this way; my faith in myself is so tenuous. but whenever i do create, i always know it's right, because i feel rejuvenated, hopeful, and whole.
(as a counterpoint to martha graham, check out this nietzsche quote.)