hpayp nwe yaer

yet again i wonder how i've spent my year.
have i made the most of it?
my resolutions weren't fully met.
but i did become certified teacher man.
i put two plays together from scratch and produced them with my students.
in some ways i may have increased the love and beauty in the world, and i'm sure about a few ways i've taken love and beauty out.
new resolution: i am free, nothing fetters me.

PS. favorite album of 2006:
joanna newsom, YS

advice

if your foot falls asleep, shake it violently before standing up.
if your ballpoint pen is broken, buy seven more and hide them under your bed. use them one at a time, only as needed.
if you become jealous frequently of persons living or dead, stare in the mirror and repeat to yourself "I'll soon be dead," over and over.
if your legs are wooden, cut them off and burn them in the woodstove downstairs. make sure they burn completely. sit nearby and feel the heat.
if your hair is greasy, wash it in the sink.
if the music you listen to depresses you, stick your head out the window and watch the droplets from your wet hair fall down to the sidewalk below, making little splatters on the concrete.

break

officially on holiday till january 2.
i'll be doing some sleeping, some drawing, some movie-watching. today i will watch the devil & daniel johnston -- finally! i will also be cutting sam shepard's a lie of the mind into a 40-minute UIL one-act play.
how do i deal with the holidays? do as little shopping as possible, and quickly. look at pretty lights. eat cakes.
can you tell i just woke up?

big

it's been a big week. long days packed with events. every day i was at school till at least 9 pm.
orchestra concert, choir concert, band concert, play.
a local actor killed himself this week. he was excessively talented, funny and charming, and was a close friend of one of my students. she was quite torn up about it. her birthday was our closing night, so her parents brought a huge cake and everyone sang to her afterwards.
then this weekend we went to austin for a speech tournament.
if i got paid by the hour... well, i won't go there.
today i'm lying in bed with my cat and my computer.

flying art

it was a glorious closing night. i sat in the audience. finally we had an audience that wasn't afraid to laugh-- and it made such a difference in the play!
no wonder chekhov called it a comedy-- that's how it works best.
what a revelation!
interesting people came, too... mikki's mom (for the second half), my fine arts supervisor, one of the middle school theatre teachers that many of the kids had, some good parents, a nice little group of high school teachers,...
anyway, it was a satisfying ending to the adventure. the kids gave me one of the posters that they all signed. i am glad it's over, but i think i'm really gonna miss this one.

art

i bought a painting today.
about a month ago i noticed a flyer hanging outside the school library, and it pointed to a small area inside the building where students exhibit their work. these paintings struck me. i don't think i have the words to describe them at the moment that wouldn't seem reductive... but i could say the following: graffiti, oils that look like spray paint, tendrils, chaos.
the painting i bought is called "the trip," and features close-ups of two robot-like creatures with flailing arms, from one's mouth there's an electical cord spiralling, and behind the other one there's a proliferation of flowers, a couple with sad faces similar to the robot they're growing behind. it's painted on a canvas that has been layered with pages from a phone book, so that's the background. i have it up on my wall where the kandinsky was, and even though it's a drastic change from those peaceful, mellifluous circles, i think it's a good place for the painting.
the artist's name is gilbert martinez, and he's a high school senior. i tracked him down through a couple of my students and finally met him for the first time two days ago. he's kind of small and quiet with a very round, listening face and round eyes. olive complexion. he's planning to go to the art institute of chicago next year. he reminded me of, as silly as this sounds, a little picasso. when he handed me the painting today, he said it was his first masterpiece, and that he was having some trouble parting with it. that's when i told him that the painting would always be his; i was just keeping it for him.
in the meantime i'm thrilled to have it.
the play was strange tonight, but the kids seemed happy. so important to keep in mind what ET told me about letting it go, letting them do what they will. when it comes right down to it, the students' experiences are what really matter. tomorrow is closing night.

drama teacher speaks

terocious, thanks for asking.
the students are doing a wonderful job. we've had three shows now and each audience is a little larger than the last. everyone in the cast seems to be enjoying the performances. nina and constantin get better each night. last night i saw nina incorporate some nuances that were really stunning. the actor playing trigorin told me yesterday this was his favorite play he's ever done.
i'm straining against something, some wall i'm not sure how to get through. i don't understand it quite yet, but i think it has to do with my ego. my self-involvement factor is pretty lethal, in many imaginable ways. and there's a degree of perfectionism that blinds me.
i need to wake up!
barry, i remember once when your brother and i put up some siding on the schoolhouse. we did it poorly just to get through it, some of the panels were crooked. when you came out and saw it your face showed confusion and disappointment. i didn't understand why it mattered. i'm sorry.