when i first decided to quit teaching and focus on acting and directing, several people told me it was a risk. but the ones i remember said it in a tone of exhortation, like, "that takes balls!"
last night nothing happened, but as i was sitting there my framework seemed to gradually slip away and i experienced a profound terror, as if everything around me had suddenly revealed its true nature, and its true nature was much more shallow and mean than i had led myself to believe.
maybe i wandered out to the edge of the cliff and didn't realize it.
maybe i had too much wine (2 glasses?).
i am the kind of person who thinks that events have resonance beyond their visible action. but i don't know how to interpret this event.
i have so many desires and so much to give. yet i am crouching in the corner with my blankie.
it could have been just another coming of age moment where i am forced to grow up real quick-- like ripping the bandage off. it's less painful that way, finally.
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