multitudes

"Here she went to the window, and in spite of the cold could not help unlatching it. She leant out into the damp night air. She heard a fox bark in the woods, and the clutter of a pheasant trailing through the branches. She heard the snow slither and flop from the roof to the ground. 'By my life,' she exclaimed, 'this is a thousand times better than Turkey. Rustum... you were wrong. This is better than Turkey. Hair, pastry, tobacco-- of what odds and ends are we compounded,' she said (thinking of Queen Mary's prayer book). 'What a phantasmagoria the mind is and meeting-place of dissemblables. At one moment we deplore our birth and state and aspire to an ascetic exaltation; the next we are overcome by the smell of some old garden path and weep to hear the thrushes sing.' And so bewildered as usual by the multitude of things which call for explanation and imprint their message without leaving any hint as to their meaning upon the mind, she threw her cheroot out of the window and went to bed."
-Orlando, Virginia Woolf

virginia woolf, guide to the soul-weary, friend of the non-sequitur hyper-sensitive monologue-mongering emotional disaster inspired genius obnoxious introvert.
i'm feeling better, thanks to the fabulous french homeopathic remedy by the name of oscillococcinum, first purveyed to me by fran (thanks f).
took my cat freda to the vet yesterday. the vet was impressed by how calm and sweet she was. i postulated that she was probably in shock and was therefore only exhibiting a facade of sweetness. which i think is partially true. but it's also true that she's a sweet cat. they took her stitches out and gave her two immunizations.
later, i went to the doctor myself. i like my doctor and we had a good session. i got a flu shot and talked to her about orlando (see above). while i was waiting i listened to my iPod.
after the appointment i came home and fell into one of those black-hole sleeps.
i woke up a little before six, feeling really weak, and drove to my brother's house for a holiday party. it was nice, and as the evening wore on, i started to feel better. at some point toward the end of the evening i stood by my sister and she started telling me about an ambulance that came to her neighborhood that day. apparently two gay men, who have been together for 19 years, live across the street from my sister. one of them passed away after suffering a heart attack. he was 59. my sister was sorry she hadn't been more in touch with them. but from what she said, they didn't particularly want to be in touch with anyone. i'm sure they just wanted to keep to themselves.
but-- enough of this hackneyed old concept of wanting to do something after it's too late, feeling bad about a lost cause, suddenly loving someone because they're no longer around. do it now! as for me, i'm going to throw my cheroot out the window and maybe go for a walk.