semester finals

i haven't been able to get online for five days. on sunday evening i found that the wireless connection i'd been pirating was no longer accessible. each day i came home hoping it would be back. but it never was. so i broke down and called road runner and got internet service and cable tv. with any luck i'll cancel the cable tv after a month and continue to pay low-ish rates on the internet service.
the week was full of final performance exams in my theatre arts I classes. the quality of these performances ranged from excellent to non-existent. the exam is relatively simple -- choose two of the following to perform for the class: 1) a song, 2) a movement piece, 3) a comedy piece, 4) a published monologue.
there's one young man who has never done anything in my class. he sits mute, immobile in his chair and shrugs every time i call on him. i have trouble understanding this. i have trouble empathizing. no effort, no attempt, nothing. it doesn't seem that he's nervous or insecure; it's like this completely airtight, expressionless apathy with no trace of guilt or reflection. the same held true when i called on him to do his final performance exam: zip.
on the other hand, i've seen some good dances, heard a nice scottish ballad, and yesterday two short white freshman boys sat in a blue spotlight wearing sunglasses and singing the blues. one of them played the "bad to the bone" bassline on his bass while the other played really bad harmonica and sang. and today i saw an incredible dance number done with humor and chutzpah. so it's not a waste to have high expectations -- sometimes they actually do come through for you.
when they disappoint you it's painful. it's painful to care, and that's probably why you find those teachers who seem like walking calluses. but God Help Me to keep caring, and to understand how to let go when i need to, so that i don't become a walking callus but can keep caring when it's important.